Let me tell you something: 2015 was supposed to be the year I'd get my shit together, be a better me, and achieve the little goals I set some time ago - you know, like what happens to the heroines in movies about big breaks? I craved that. The OCD voice living inside my head also convinced me that since 2015 is a good-sounding number, it would be a good year for me. After all, I was turning 21, graduating from college and entering the real world. Everything seemed at reach. I was excited. And for quite some time, I believed that things will finally fall into place for me in 2015.
I was wrong.
Nothing fell into place in 2015. In fact, a lot of things crumbled down as the year wore on. After finishing college, everything just turned into this massive blur, and I got lost. For some reason, my passion for writing slipped away. The dreams I used to look up to like stars started to mock me and vanish one by one. I stopped painting. I didn't pick up my guitar as much as I did before. My camera sat on top of my shelf and collected dust, the roll of film in it unwound for over a year already.
My life - my young life that should be lived with much gusto - started to become tasteless. The little zing that used to jolt me into life despite all the demons in my head had left. While I may have had some happy moments, they were temporary. Fleeting.
What amazes me, though, is how I never cried amidst all the chaos in my own little world that I battled in solitary. I was unhappy, but that unhappiness didn't deserve my tears.
In 2016, I want to be better. I don't know how else to put it.
I want to bring back the passion I had for the things I used to love doing. I want to learn something new each day. I want to acquire a new skill. I want to explore unfamiliar places. I want to meet interesting people who are in love with their lives. I want to be smarter. I want to be kinder. I want to start and end my day with a smile (okay, most of the time). I want to learn to laugh at my own mistakes and not live in them. I want to bounce back with a vengeance of bringing myself a happier tomorrow.
These are not resolutions, but wishes I hold for the new year. And if making these wishes come true meant working my ass off for them, I really don't mind. Fairy godmothers don't exist anyway.
Happy new year, everyone!
*Raises glass filled with crisp, bubbly champagne*
Here's to a better 2016!
